Just Wait Until Your Uncle Gets Home!

Wait Until Your Uncle Gets Home!

It seems like I hear more of our MYC Club kids talk about their uncles than about their dads.

It's been clear to me for many years now that the most common cause of pain to the at-risk kids with whom we work is the lack of a father in the home or in the lives of our kids. If you haven't already read my book “Front Line Observer, please give it a look if you would like to understand more about this sad epidemic. What I've begun to notice recently is who are the most common replacements for permanent male relationships with these kids. It may not be who you think. The substitute dad isn't the grandpa, step dad, mom's boyfriend, or even a brother, although I've seen some exceptions. From what I have seen, it looks like the most common, most permanent male relationship these kids have is with a maternal uncle or otherwise possibly an older brother. Like the biological “fathers” of these kids, the grandfathers, step dads, and mom's boyfriends or temporary live-in “fiance” are only temporary and often negative relationships in the lives of these kids. The male relatives on the father's side often drop out of the relationship along with the father, and the grandfather often was not a good example to his own son. True, many of our kids have step brothers or half brothers, but they also are too often a temporary relationship or a poor example. The males that we have remaining in these kids' lives tend to be mom's brother or half brother, or maybe a brother who has the same mom but often a different dad.

So, you may respond, at least there is a male role model in the home in the form of mom's brother or an older sibling. The fact is, though, that this relationship doesn't usually meet the needs of the child and is more often just another poor role model. Remember: he came from the same incomplete family and so he wasn't mentored by a good male role model himself. If mom's younger brother lives with her, then he is often immature and unwilling or incapable of being responsible for himself, much less for a needy and impressionable niece or nephew. An older sibling often has simply gone further down the wrong path. At least, because he is a blood relative on the mom's side, the relationship tends more toward being permanent. What I have noticed, however, is that these guys way too often tend to be unemployed, in legal trouble or in a gang, have perverted attitudes, or have gotten another girl pregnant themselves. For an extreme example, one of the young men in a family with whom we work was recently murdered at home by his own maternal uncle, who had recently gotten out of prison. Some of the moms I know have gotten into legal trouble or have lost their homes due to the behavior of a brother who mooches off of them. Other moms have gotten into trouble because of their loyalty to their own kids or to the the overgrown children who got them pregnant.

So, you may feel that this trend is no big deal or that it's a permanent part of our culture now. Maybe these kids should just get past the fact that their dads have disappeared. They can learn about life from teachers or older guys in the neighborhood and the government pays for their home and food. What's the problem? The problem is that there are severe consequences to our kids and to our culture. We who know, love, and serve these kids see anger, violence, school failure, dangerous behavior, problems bonding or trusting, disrespect to women and authority, selfishness, irresponsibility, and attention-seeking behavior, just to identify a few of the consequences. We have too many boys who seem to believe that they are only good for fighting or for getting girls pregnant. Society doesn't teach them this twisted view. They learn this from their “dads” and from their moms who tolerate and encourage immature behavior by the dads.

Uncles and older brothers can't completely take the place of dads. Neither can we here at MYC with a few hours each week with our kids. What we can do here is to have men and married couples on staff. We are trying to step in and step up, and I challenge the other men in our community to do so. Every mom should be able to say, “Just wait until your father gets home!”

My Mom Can Beat Up Your Mom!

“My mom can beat up your mom!” “You should see my mom fight!” “Our neighbors are afraid of my mom!” Is it just me, or does this kind of bragging just sound bizarre? I've heard this recent perversion of an old traditional boast from some of our MYC kids lately. If bragging about fighting isn't stupid enough by itself, then feeling proud of your mom for her ability to be violent is pathetic. Things get sadly twisted when dad isn't around to be the provider and protector, or when the kids don't know enough about dad to brag about him. Last year a 12 year-old boy threatened me that his dad would beat me up, (his way of saying it was too foul to print here), because I wouldn't let the boy butt in front of a line of smaller boys in order to be the first to hit a pinata. I knew his family situation. He bounced back and forth between mom and grandma and dad wasn't around. I could have reminded him that he couldn't even find his dad to have him try to beat me up, or that his dad was probably in jail or to too drunk to do it. Instead I just told him, as I was escorting him out the door, that his dad could come and speak to me about his behavior if he wanted to do so. There was no need to remind this hostile young boy of reality and increase his pain or his need to pretend that his dad was capable of standing up for him. Anger is a common trait among kids with dads who have disappeared from their lives. I never heard from his dad and felt no need to hide or to get some big friends.

God created the family and the role of the father includes responsibilities that require staying with the kids and the mother of the kids. Some of these responsibilities are to provide a home and other physical needs, and to protect the family from harm. In the work I do and the kids I know, I am constantly being reminded of the damage done to children and to our society by guys who get a girl pregnant and then leave her and the kids to fend for themselves. A new service is opening in our town for housing mothers and children. I have to admit that, unfortunately, there is a need for such a facility. I also know that this will not permanently solve the problem for our community or for the women living there temporarily. The problem will be solved and prevented when men act like men and take responsibility for their actions and for the consequences of those actions. If you really are a man, you won't have sex or get a woman pregnant until you are faithfully and permanently married to her and are committed to doing your best to meet the needs of your kids. Instead of only treating the symptom, we also need to admit and solve the problem. Ideally, why should this home for women need to ask the community for money? Get it from the guys that got them pregnant! The destruction of the family didn't start with the homosexuals. It started with irresponsible guys and the girls and the government who allow and encourage them to get away with ignoring their responsibilities. God's way is the only way that works. The tragedy of homeless unwed mothers has a solution. Let's obey God and solve it!

Llama Eggs

“Why is that llama laying down over there?” “It's sitting on it's eggs!” This bit of wisdom was overheard during an exchange between two of our primary MYC Club kids. Twenty-four of us were enjoying a close-up look at some exotic animals while riding through the Tennessee Safari Park in Alamo, TN. I had never heard of llama eggs, but she talked with the confidence of an expert. I love to hear little ones talk, whether it's grand kids or club kids. They remind me of a quote from Ronald Reagan, where he said that it's “not that they're ignorant, it's just that they know so much that isn't so!”

We are all ignorant in some ways; it's impossible for a human to know everything. Ignorance can actually be a step to gaining wisdom, if we recognize our ignorance, stop arguing and making excuses, and diligently seek the truth. I believe that when we are in heaven, we will get to use all of our capabilities, including all of our brains. Meanwhile, while we are still on earth, we have to put up with others who “know so much that isn't so!” Such wisdom from children is funny and usually harmless. The problem is when we make choices or react to something based upon something that we think we know but about which we are ignorant or deceived. That's not funny or harmless. For instance, when one of our know-it-all kids argues a call with the referee, he then gets put out of the game. Another example is a government that thinks it can spend itself out of debt into prosperity. One of our kids had not developed good interview skills, but assumed she wasn't hired at a restaurant because of her race. If you make your choices based upon these kinds of “wisdom”, then you will keep making stupid mistakes.

These are just a few examples of the dangers of acting from ignorance. By far the biggest danger, though, is our ignorance of God and His Word. When I talk about spiritual matters with our Club kids, I sometimes ask how we know if we are a Christian or how we can know that we are going to heaven. There are three common but dangerously ignorant answers I hear. One is that you earn your way to heaven by being good. Another is about an emotional experience at church. The third is about with which church they are involved. Some of these kids seem almost inoculated to the true message of Christ by this false “wisdom.” Jesus himself clearly said that He is the way, the truth, and the life and that no one will come to God except through Him. I pray that all of our kids, everyone I love, and anyone reading this will not be toward God's Word like the kid who argues with the referee and gets an attitude and blames others for being out of the game. Eternity is a lot longer than a ballgame, llamas don't lay eggs, and we are all invited to Heaven through Jesus!

They Keep Coming Back!

“I'm going to stay in MYC Club until high School!” “Me too, I wish we could come every day!” This was part of a conversation between a couple of our MYC Primary Club kids as we were getting out of the van and walking into MYC. I took what I heard as a show of enthusiasm and not a warning! We enjoy their smiles and displays of excitement, and we're glad that they want to be with us. Most of our kids come to Club or Camp year after year, unless the family moves out of town. Why do they keep coming back? Is it the food? The games in the gym? The social time? Lessons about God's love? Is it homework time? (Probably not!) While most of these are reasons our kids come back, we believe that the relationships with the MYC staff and volunteers has a lot to do with it. We try to make sure they know that we love them and that we want them to be here. MYC is not just a job where we watch the clock and can't wait until we can go home. (Although honestly, with at-risk kids there are days when we are tempted to do this!)

One of the many ways God has blessed MYC is that we have staff and volunteers who stay here for years. Another way we are blessed is to have married couples working together here. I'm especially blessed to get to work closely with my wife, Debbie. Relationships are built when the kids come year after year and get to spend time with the same adults every year. Relationships are key to what we do here, and there is no substitute for time in developing them. This is clear to us and may be so obvious to you that you may be wondering why I am wasting space and your time by writing about it. The sad reality, however, is that many of the parents of these kids don't seem to understand this truth. Dads or even moms are sometimes completely missing from the lives of our kids. Some see their dad for only a few days in the summer. Many live with a grandma or another relative instead of with parents. Many move around often, in and out of the homes of various relatives or friends. It's not uncommon for our kids to have to make calls after Club to ask where we need to drop them off, or for us to drive to more than one house in order to find an adult who is available to supervise them. Moms will have various “men” in and out of the home, which confuses the kids and can put them in danger. These kinds of choices by the parents are the reasons why these kids are at-risk. Parents who can't commit often raise kids who can't cope.

This is why we are here. This is why we have both men and women serving here. This is why it's so great to have married couples spending time with these kids. The kids see that we love each other and that we love them. When they know that they will see the same faces year after year, they keep coming back.

If I Disappear

Record-breaking earthquakes around the world.

Record-breaking or crazy weather, such as the floods, snow, and hail here in West Tennessee.

People pushing for a one-world currency system. Governments in deep debt or going bankrupt.

Oil prices and food prices. Famine in places like North Korea, Uganda, Ethiopia, and Pakistan.

Political unrest all over the Middle East and in Africa. Threats and attacks against Israel.

Gay “marriage” and other perversions. Awarding special status, position, and protection to gays.

Little concern for human life, such as the drug war in Mexico and killing unborn babies in the USA.

Creeping socialism. More people depending on the government to meet all needs or solve problems.

The federal government eager to take over the responsibilities and privileges of local and state governments, charities, or families.

An administration, congress, and courts who ignore, circumvent, or try to reinvent the Constitution.

Government leaders who insult Christians but honor Islam, earth worship, and other false religions.

Anti Christian and anti Israel hate. Our leaders turning against Israel and toward Israel's enemies.

Persecution of Christians is an epidemic, although ignored by our government and media.

Powerful people push for a “new world order,” or “globalization” or “global governance.”

Sharia law in the US courts. The UN becoming increasingly dominated by Marxists and Muslims.

Political correctness: “tolerance” of anything except Christianity. Revising history to eliminate God.

Lukewarm churches and lukewarm Christians, who look like the world instead of Jesus.

These are some of the events and conditions in the world in the last couple of years which may be fulfillment of Bible prophecy. I won't pretend to know for sure that we are on the threshold of the end times, and I'm not making a prediction, but as a Christian I have a responsibility. I need to be God's instrument to make certain that everyone I love, anyone I can influence, and everyone with whom I serve here at MYC is ready for the promised return of Christ. You are ready if you have put your trust in Christ, the risen Son of God.
If there is a rapture of the church as one of the events in Christ's return, I and all Christians will disappear in a flash! I'm praying and working for MYC to suddenly be empty because all of the kids will disappear with us. I hope my family and everyone I know disappears. Actually, I can't think of anyone who I hope will be left behind to endure hell on earth. Jesus didn't want anyone left behind either, so He died for all of us. We just finished celebrating His resurrection. Unfortunately, there will be those left behind who have chosen to ignore God's love and the Bible's warnings. I hope you aren't one of them! If I disappear, I'll be with Jesus! If you are reading this after I disappear, don't look for me, but look into God's word and to Jesus for your salvation!

We Will Still Defend Marriage!

Anger issues.
Immaturity, impulsiveness, selfishness, and self control issues. Inability to delay gratification.
Poor social skills, attention craving, insecure, and poor manners. Whining or constantly worried.
School behavior and success issues, and legal trouble.
Disrespect of others. Inappropriate behavior. Lack of reverence. Personal drama creation.
Drug addiction.
Listening and following directions issues. Inability to keep a job. Authority issues.
Bonding issues. Quitting a relationship, a team, a job, or school. Trust issues.
Moral issues. Honesty issues. Sexual perversion issues. Sexually transmitted diseases.
Hitting or fighting as a way to react to or resolve conflict.
Sociopathic behavior. (Not recognizing the rights of others or showing remorse for hurting others.)
Much more likely to be abused, abandoned, or neglected.
Poor choice of role models. Celebrity worship. Gang involvement.
Confusion about God.
Confusion about love. Love is misunderstood to be conditional or temporary; only a brief feeling.
Cheating at school or in sports.
Bullying. Hating.
Depression.

These are only some of the common behavior traits and character issues which we have seen in our work with children who have parents who have decided not to follow God's plan for a marriage and for a family. Sexual partners who cannot commit to a traditional marriage produce kids with serious problems. (If you are interested in more of what we have learned about this issue, please read my book, entitled Front Line Observer.) We have seen the casualties of the war against the family, and now some in our government have chosen to inflict even more.

Now we have a leader in Washington who has claimed that the Defense of Marriage Act is somehow unconstitutional, and some in congress who are trying to overturn it. What God has designed and what human nature, human needs, and human history have confirmed is suddenly against our law? This leader has made many bad policy decisions, but this one cancels his right to be our leader. A chief law enforcer who tells his Justice Department to no longer defend our law which confirms marriage as a union between one man and one woman has forfeited his right to leadership and has no moral authority to tell anyone what to do. This decision may cause more damage to our nation and to our people than anything else has ever caused. This policy is consistent with the definition of a sociopath, and ignores reality and the will of the people. To give special rights, privileges, and status to some people, simply because they like to have perverted sex with members of the same gender, is immoral and dangerous beyond description. God loves everyone, and made laws for our protection and provision. He designed our bodies and emotions and knew that homosexuality was unnatural, unsafe, destructive, and perverted.

Here at the Mission Youth Center, we defend marriage and we demonstrate it. We are blessed to have committed married couples serving here. Showing true love and real marriage helps meet one of the greatest needs we can meet for the kids who come here, because almost all of them live with the pain of being from a “family” which has chosen some kind of “alternative lifestyle”. You can't defy God and the natural order He created without inflicting painful consequences and you cannot redefine marriage in order to pacify perversion without destroying people.

My Day In Court

My Day In Court

Last month I spent a day in court. No, I haven't been arrested or charged with anything, (at least yet!). It was a session of our county's Child and Family Court known commonly around here as “child support court.” The official reason for spending a morning there was for me to testify for one of our former foster daughters in a hearing involving custody and child support for one of her children. Not surprisingly, the “father” of the child never even bothered to show up, even though he had requested the hearing. He had apparently done so to harass the mother of his child, but later had realized that the truth about his behavior was about to be exposed in court, so as is his habit, he took the easy way out.

As it turns out, there were three hearings that morning that were of interest to me. One was the case I have described, another was for the “father” of one of my grandkids, and the third involved another of the girls who had lived with Debbie and I when we were houseparents at New Life Youth Home. All morning I sat and watched and listened to a sad parade of selfish people who cared little or none about meeting the needs of their own children. I saw anger, sadness, frustration, drama, delays, accusations, complications, and a sickening display of immature excuses from “men” and sometimes “women” who didn't want to take responsibility for their own actions.

Some of these guys couldn't pay child support because they were escorted to court from the jail. Some had addictions which they had allowed to control them instead of the instinct to provide for themselves and their families. Some were just lazy, irresponsible children themselves. Some were going to jail that day unless they paid some child support. One man was even arrested and put in handcuffs in front of his teenage daughter for his outstanding warrants. His daughter had been brought to court for her unruly behavior, and he had come to convince the judge to give him custody of her instead of putting her into treatment. Now both “dad” and daughter are in the custody of the state and are costing money to the taxpayers. I wonder what he was smoking that morning to think the judge would give the girl to him. I don't have to wonder why her behavior was habitually bad.

Guys, you need to “man up” so I will no longer need to put quotation marks around the words “man” or “father” when I refer to you. I'm even offering to help! If you will read it and put the advice to dads into action in your lives, I will give you a free copy of my book, Front Line Observer. It's time to act like men!