Our Best Salesmen

When I was in school I learned a little about sales. A good advertisement or salesman, I learned, can create the perception of a need and then convince you that they are the best ones to meet that need. We don't need to “sell” MYC Clubs to the kids or to our community. The needs we try to help meet don't need to be created; they are all too real in a society short on fathers. God's people are the best ones to help meet the needs. We don't have salesman on staff here; our kids and their families can be our best salesmen. Kids who keep coming and parents who want to know when their younger kids can start coming do our “advertising.” Kids who want their friends to come to Club are some of our best public relations agents. We aren't selling something to the kids but we are making sure that they hear that Easter celebrates God's free gift of salvation. We can concentrate on serving, not selling.

Earlier today I visited the family of one of our MYC Primary Club members. He had missed a few days because of the flu so he couldn't be at our Easter celebration. We enjoy our Club kids and miss seeing them when they aren't here. His mom told me that he was back at school and we should see him at Club today. That was encouraging, but the most encouraging comments came next. Mom said that before school he had reminded her that she was not to worry about him after school because he would be at MYC. She added that he likes to come and was sorry that he had to miss because of the flu. His little brother then asked her, “Can I go to MYC, too?” This little guy is in kindergarten, so we are expecting him to join MYC this summer and be with us next school year.

Last week, another mother made sure to tell me that, although her daughter was going to have to miss Club for a couple of weeks, she would be back as soon as possible and that both of them wanted her to “keep her spot in Club.” They knew that others were waiting to take her place if she wasn't going to be able to return. Conversations like these confirm to us that we are meeting some needs for these kids, their families, and for the community. “I'm glad you all are doing what you do. Kids need something positive to do!” is a comment I hear often. That's definitely true, but we want to meet needs that are way beyond just something for kids to do. Kids need somewhere safe where they can have fun and feel welcome. Kids need to feel valued and that they belong somewhere. Kids need help with homework. Kids need positive relationships with adults who like to be with them and won't abandon them. Most of all, kids need to know and enjoy God, and to have the joy of knowing and following his word.

Whether it is a snack, gym time, memorizing wisdom from the Bible, or making sure homework is understood, we strive to meet these needs with a healthy dose of love and attention. The needs never stop, but we enjoy serving God by serving His children. We don't have something to sell; we have someone to serve.

Even Jesus Needed a Dad

Merry Christmas!! I thought I'd enjoy saying that while it's still legal here in America. (Actually, I'll still be saying it when the haters make it illegal!) Christmas is about Christ and it always will be about Him. I hope you can celebrate His birthday knowing Him personally and that you invite Him to the celebration at your church or with your family.

This morning there was a notice in our local newspaper to an “unknown father.” Someone is trying to adopt a child who needs a family and they are required to attempt to find and notify the biological “father.” To tell the truth, he's not ever been the “real father” if he needs to be found in this manner! Today I attended a funeral for a man who gave his life to save his son. This man was a hero and his sacrifice imitated Christ. His family didn't need to put a notice in the paper to find him.

Have you ever thought about the fact that, even though Jesus had the perfect, ultimate dad in heaven, His heavenly father knew that He would need a human father on earth? Even God's son needed an earthly father to hold Him and spend time with Him and mentor Him while He was away from home on this earth. God chose Joseph and that had to be an awesome privilege and joy for Joseph. Debbie and I have had the privilege and joy to be chosen to be the adoptive parents for two girls, and now are also enjoying the treasure of grandkids.

There are a couple of disgusting and horribly deceitful bills in congress at this time which, if passed, will hurt children and families and our whole country and culture. One is dishonestly called the “Every Child Deserves a Family” Act. This would force adoption and foster care agencies to put innocent children in homes with homosexual “parents” and with no care for marital status. If congress has sunk low enough to pass this, then there will be helpless children forced into homes where they will be raped by homosexual “men”. Kids will be abused and neglected by adults who don't even care enough and aren't mature enough to commit to a marriage before they live together or try to adopt a child. The relationship between the adults aren't permanent, so they won't be capable of meeting the needs of children. The foster and adoptive systems are supposed to provide for children and protect them and not provide them to homosexual pedophiles or immature people trying to meet their own needs by adopting! Kids deserve parents who provide and protect, not perverts who want their perversions approved.

Another lie in congress is deceitfully called the “Respect For Marriage” act and is an attempt by those who have no respect for families and are willing to destroy America by repealing DOMA.

Our biggest problem in America is not the economy. It's a moral problem, a sin problem, and a common sense problem! I hope to blog more on this subject as we get closer to the next election.

Jesus didn't have to look for an “unknown” father. He had Joseph on earth and His father in heaven. Joseph was a real man and a real husband. Mary and Joseph had a real marriage and were good parents. Let's all be good parents during the season when we celebrate the birth of Jesus the Messiah.

Thank You, God!

Thank You, God

for grace, mercy, and love

for Jesus

for your sacrifice

for the cross

for the empty tomb

for defeating sin, Satan, and death

for giving us a purpose and hope

for salvation and forgiveness

for peace and joy

for the Holy Spirit

for Debbie

for blessing our marriage

for my parents

for my brothers and sister

for my daughters Tamara and Sheria

for each of my grandkids: Alydia and Clayton, Maddox and McKinnley, and for Tia and TJ

for Debbie's family

for the Union Mission, the Mission Youth Center, and for Camp

for my job

for choosing us to help do your work

for each child or teenager we have gotten to know

for our co-workers

for my education

for electricity, running water, and air conditioning

for our home and our furniture

for our cars

for this computer

for our church and our pastors and leaders

for my health and for Debbie's health

for our country which was founded and led by Christians

for blessing our country (We are not just “lucky” like Obama says)

for the freedom to write this note

for keeping your promises

for your word, the Bible

for Christmas, for your first coming as a baby and for your promised second coming

for answering prayer

Are We Successful?

One morning this week I saw one of our 2nd grade MYC Club boys at the doctor with his mother. When I asked them how he was doing, his mom answered that he wanted to go back to school after his doctor visit so that he could go to MYC that afternoon. It's encouraging to hear that kind of feedback. It helps because it isn't always clear how to define and measure success in a ministry to children where relationships are emphasized.

Occasionally we are asked if we are successful here at MYC. Before I can answer I always need to first ask how should we define success. Is it how many donations we receive? Is it how many kids we serve? Is it counting how many kids make a commitment to follow Christ? Is it about making a positive difference in the lives of children or in the community? How long should “success” take?

We have seen our share of disappointments. A family we have come to know moves away and we lose touch. A girl gets pregnant. Boys lose their temper or fight. Someone gets arrested or suspended from school. Kids reject Jesus' sacrifice and example, or a spiritual commitment fails to translate to Christ-like behavior. Kids lie to us or talk about risky behavior on Facebook.

These kids and their families are facing some serious barriers to what we in America or even in the church call success. Parents ignore God's design for the family and the children pay an awful price. “Friends” put pressure on them to make stupid choices. The neighborhood is a negative environment. The government subsidizes poor choices and encourages dependence on government instead of faith in God. Entertainment is perverted and violent. Hormones are raging. The pop culture says “It's all about me!” There are few jobs here. Hate and anger are common in many of these families. Our kids act as if they are deaf. We have limited time with them at MYC.

We see some encouraging signs, too! Kids return to MYC year after year, and even stay after high school. Parents trust us and send younger siblings. Parents who were themselves involved in Mission youth activities 10 or 20 years ago are making sure that their kids are involved in MYC. These parents have good memories and built relationships with MYC staff and want their kids to have the same opportunity. There are school successes. Kids want to volunteer or be MYC leaders. We see better behavior in MYC kids when compared to new kids or non-Club members at church, Camp, or school. The Timothy Project discipleship group continues. Relationships are built. We have a consistent, dependable, loving staff. The only age we recruit is 1st grade because there is a waiting list for kids to be in MYC in the other grades. Many of our kids attend church with staff. We see growth in our long-term kids, such as unselfishness, controlling anger, or spiritual maturity. Most Youth Enterprises graduates have jobs. We get to be involved in our kids accomplishments and milestones. Kids and families come to us for help outside of MYC. Kids develop new skills. We have our first Eagle Scout. There is personal growth in the staff. Attendance in MYC is high. God meets the needs of MYC as we strive to meet the needs of our community.

Are we successful? Ultimately God will be the definer and judge of that. We are responsible to be faithful and good stewards of our time, resources, and gifts. We are trusting in God for the results, and we praise Him that He is trustworthy to keep His promises.

Just Wait Until Your Uncle Gets Home!

Wait Until Your Uncle Gets Home!

It seems like I hear more of our MYC Club kids talk about their uncles than about their dads.

It's been clear to me for many years now that the most common cause of pain to the at-risk kids with whom we work is the lack of a father in the home or in the lives of our kids. If you haven't already read my book “Front Line Observer, please give it a look if you would like to understand more about this sad epidemic. What I've begun to notice recently is who are the most common replacements for permanent male relationships with these kids. It may not be who you think. The substitute dad isn't the grandpa, step dad, mom's boyfriend, or even a brother, although I've seen some exceptions. From what I have seen, it looks like the most common, most permanent male relationship these kids have is with a maternal uncle or otherwise possibly an older brother. Like the biological “fathers” of these kids, the grandfathers, step dads, and mom's boyfriends or temporary live-in “fiance” are only temporary and often negative relationships in the lives of these kids. The male relatives on the father's side often drop out of the relationship along with the father, and the grandfather often was not a good example to his own son. True, many of our kids have step brothers or half brothers, but they also are too often a temporary relationship or a poor example. The males that we have remaining in these kids' lives tend to be mom's brother or half brother, or maybe a brother who has the same mom but often a different dad.

So, you may respond, at least there is a male role model in the home in the form of mom's brother or an older sibling. The fact is, though, that this relationship doesn't usually meet the needs of the child and is more often just another poor role model. Remember: he came from the same incomplete family and so he wasn't mentored by a good male role model himself. If mom's younger brother lives with her, then he is often immature and unwilling or incapable of being responsible for himself, much less for a needy and impressionable niece or nephew. An older sibling often has simply gone further down the wrong path. At least, because he is a blood relative on the mom's side, the relationship tends more toward being permanent. What I have noticed, however, is that these guys way too often tend to be unemployed, in legal trouble or in a gang, have perverted attitudes, or have gotten another girl pregnant themselves. For an extreme example, one of the young men in a family with whom we work was recently murdered at home by his own maternal uncle, who had recently gotten out of prison. Some of the moms I know have gotten into legal trouble or have lost their homes due to the behavior of a brother who mooches off of them. Other moms have gotten into trouble because of their loyalty to their own kids or to the the overgrown children who got them pregnant.

So, you may feel that this trend is no big deal or that it's a permanent part of our culture now. Maybe these kids should just get past the fact that their dads have disappeared. They can learn about life from teachers or older guys in the neighborhood and the government pays for their home and food. What's the problem? The problem is that there are severe consequences to our kids and to our culture. We who know, love, and serve these kids see anger, violence, school failure, dangerous behavior, problems bonding or trusting, disrespect to women and authority, selfishness, irresponsibility, and attention-seeking behavior, just to identify a few of the consequences. We have too many boys who seem to believe that they are only good for fighting or for getting girls pregnant. Society doesn't teach them this twisted view. They learn this from their “dads” and from their moms who tolerate and encourage immature behavior by the dads.

Uncles and older brothers can't completely take the place of dads. Neither can we here at MYC with a few hours each week with our kids. What we can do here is to have men and married couples on staff. We are trying to step in and step up, and I challenge the other men in our community to do so. Every mom should be able to say, “Just wait until your father gets home!”

My Mom Can Beat Up Your Mom!

“My mom can beat up your mom!” “You should see my mom fight!” “Our neighbors are afraid of my mom!” Is it just me, or does this kind of bragging just sound bizarre? I've heard this recent perversion of an old traditional boast from some of our MYC kids lately. If bragging about fighting isn't stupid enough by itself, then feeling proud of your mom for her ability to be violent is pathetic. Things get sadly twisted when dad isn't around to be the provider and protector, or when the kids don't know enough about dad to brag about him. Last year a 12 year-old boy threatened me that his dad would beat me up, (his way of saying it was too foul to print here), because I wouldn't let the boy butt in front of a line of smaller boys in order to be the first to hit a pinata. I knew his family situation. He bounced back and forth between mom and grandma and dad wasn't around. I could have reminded him that he couldn't even find his dad to have him try to beat me up, or that his dad was probably in jail or to too drunk to do it. Instead I just told him, as I was escorting him out the door, that his dad could come and speak to me about his behavior if he wanted to do so. There was no need to remind this hostile young boy of reality and increase his pain or his need to pretend that his dad was capable of standing up for him. Anger is a common trait among kids with dads who have disappeared from their lives. I never heard from his dad and felt no need to hide or to get some big friends.

God created the family and the role of the father includes responsibilities that require staying with the kids and the mother of the kids. Some of these responsibilities are to provide a home and other physical needs, and to protect the family from harm. In the work I do and the kids I know, I am constantly being reminded of the damage done to children and to our society by guys who get a girl pregnant and then leave her and the kids to fend for themselves. A new service is opening in our town for housing mothers and children. I have to admit that, unfortunately, there is a need for such a facility. I also know that this will not permanently solve the problem for our community or for the women living there temporarily. The problem will be solved and prevented when men act like men and take responsibility for their actions and for the consequences of those actions. If you really are a man, you won't have sex or get a woman pregnant until you are faithfully and permanently married to her and are committed to doing your best to meet the needs of your kids. Instead of only treating the symptom, we also need to admit and solve the problem. Ideally, why should this home for women need to ask the community for money? Get it from the guys that got them pregnant! The destruction of the family didn't start with the homosexuals. It started with irresponsible guys and the girls and the government who allow and encourage them to get away with ignoring their responsibilities. God's way is the only way that works. The tragedy of homeless unwed mothers has a solution. Let's obey God and solve it!

Llama Eggs

“Why is that llama laying down over there?” “It's sitting on it's eggs!” This bit of wisdom was overheard during an exchange between two of our primary MYC Club kids. Twenty-four of us were enjoying a close-up look at some exotic animals while riding through the Tennessee Safari Park in Alamo, TN. I had never heard of llama eggs, but she talked with the confidence of an expert. I love to hear little ones talk, whether it's grand kids or club kids. They remind me of a quote from Ronald Reagan, where he said that it's “not that they're ignorant, it's just that they know so much that isn't so!”

We are all ignorant in some ways; it's impossible for a human to know everything. Ignorance can actually be a step to gaining wisdom, if we recognize our ignorance, stop arguing and making excuses, and diligently seek the truth. I believe that when we are in heaven, we will get to use all of our capabilities, including all of our brains. Meanwhile, while we are still on earth, we have to put up with others who “know so much that isn't so!” Such wisdom from children is funny and usually harmless. The problem is when we make choices or react to something based upon something that we think we know but about which we are ignorant or deceived. That's not funny or harmless. For instance, when one of our know-it-all kids argues a call with the referee, he then gets put out of the game. Another example is a government that thinks it can spend itself out of debt into prosperity. One of our kids had not developed good interview skills, but assumed she wasn't hired at a restaurant because of her race. If you make your choices based upon these kinds of “wisdom”, then you will keep making stupid mistakes.

These are just a few examples of the dangers of acting from ignorance. By far the biggest danger, though, is our ignorance of God and His Word. When I talk about spiritual matters with our Club kids, I sometimes ask how we know if we are a Christian or how we can know that we are going to heaven. There are three common but dangerously ignorant answers I hear. One is that you earn your way to heaven by being good. Another is about an emotional experience at church. The third is about with which church they are involved. Some of these kids seem almost inoculated to the true message of Christ by this false “wisdom.” Jesus himself clearly said that He is the way, the truth, and the life and that no one will come to God except through Him. I pray that all of our kids, everyone I love, and anyone reading this will not be toward God's Word like the kid who argues with the referee and gets an attitude and blames others for being out of the game. Eternity is a lot longer than a ballgame, llamas don't lay eggs, and we are all invited to Heaven through Jesus!