Focus on Youth

This story is my Focus on Youth article for April 2009

“I just wanted to thank you for what you taught me and for being there for me!” “Charles” surprised us with a visit here at the Mission a couple of weeks ago. He was a teenager from Dyersburg who had lived with us at the New Life Youth Home from 1988 until 1990. Now well into his thirties, it's hard to imagine that he is older than we were when we filled the role of parents for him. He knew that he could find Debbie and me at the Mission and needed to talk to us. Like so many of our foster kids, Charles did not have a father in his life, and his mother had moved away, leaving him with his grandparents. They had provided him a place to stay but had not nurtured or mentored him, and in his own words to his grandmother recently, he said “You never really raised me”. She had left him to raise himself. This had naturally led to his making poor decisions, getting into some minor trouble, and skipping school. Eventually we were asked to take care of him, and he moved into our home. Charles responded well to living in a structured, loving environment in which expectations and support levels were high. He even made the honor roll at the high school! He had tried long visits with his mom and with his grandparents during his time with us but realized that he needed to be with us a little longer, and so he stayed with us until he was nearly 18 when before returning to his grandparents' home.

For most of the past 19 years, his life has been a mess. With no structure or accountability, he did what was convenient and came natural. This led to a bad marriage and divorce, drugs, jail time, violence, and serious health problems. When he was finally miserable enough and without hope of digging himself out of his mess, he turned to God. Now he is involved in church and a support group for addicts. He is growing in a relationship with God, upon whom he knows he can depend. There are consequences for his choices, such as damaged relationships, but he knows that he has been forgiven and that God has not abandoned him but has a purpose and plan for his life. He didn't come to us asking us to do something for him, as some do, but to let us know how God is helping him to go in a different direction and to simply thank us. There were thanks for caring for him, teaching him, and setting an example for him. From the role we had played in his life, he knew that we would listen to him, that we were genuinely interested, that our love was unconditional, and that we would be encouraging. Charles spent much of the day with us as we talked, listened, and prayed with him.
Sometimes people ask us if our work is successful. This is not an easy question to answer, because it depends so much upon priorities and the perception of success. If success is defined as Charles' going to college and becoming a leader in the community, then this is a failure. If success is defined as having a relationship that means being the one to whom he can turn and talk, or planting the seed in his heart that God created him and loves him, then this is a success. If success is defined as recognizing that you have messed up and knowing where to turn when you are desperate, then this is a success. Our work at the Mission Youth Center, just like it was at the Youth Home, always has been and always will be about building relationships and not just about the programs. We offer quality programs and events, but even more important, we offer quality relationships which point our kids to our awesome God.

Mark Loftin, Mission Youth Center Director
Mark is also the author of Front Line Observer, which is a book of stories about and lessons learned in our work with kids and families. Front Line Observer is available at local bookstores, on line, and at the Mission.